Therapy 101: How to find the right therapist

Let's be honest, most (if not all) people would benefit from engaging in therapy. While I realize that me making that claim while being a therapist is a lot like asking a barber if you need a haircut, I vehemently stand by the claim. For over a decade, I have been lucky enough to get to witness the amazing changes, growth, and personal development that can result when individuals (as well as couples and families) partake in therapy earnestly.

A common occurrence that happens to me ever since I became a therapist is when an old friend, distant family member, or past acquaintance that I have not spoken to in ages reaches out to me randomly out of the blue, it almost always is because they are reaching out to ask for recommendations for a "good therapist or treatment recommendation". Since this is something that has happened to me literally dozens of times in the past decade, I figured that it would be helpful to try and de-mystify a bit of the process to begin engaging in therapy. The step that I feel like comes first when someone is wanting to do therapy is, oddly enough, finding the right therapist that they want to do the hard work with each week. Ironically, this is harder/trickier than it may seem.

What matters most in the therapeutic process?

Mountains of fancy research has shown conclusively that the factor that matters the most, and predicts the potential treatment outcomes for an individual, is the therapeutic relationship. Not the therapists type of licensure or where they got their degree. Not the therapeutic modality that they use. The therapeutic relationship is consistently shown to be the most important part of the whole enchilada. To put it simply, if you and your therapist are unable to establish a strong enough connection to one another, it is going to make the process that much harder for everyone (not impossible, just more difficult for all parties involved). Because of this, my first recommendation to people looking to get started with therapy (even people who are wanting to start therapy with myself) is to be willing to try out a handful of different therapists if it feels like you are having a hard time connecting with the one you start working with initially. I often compare it to the experience of going on a few dates with a potential romantic partner before you are willing to commit fully to an exclusive relationship with that individual for the foreseeable future.

Where to find a a list of potential therapist options?

Obviously, you can always just google for therapists in your local area (or potentially an even wider area if you are willing to meet with someone virtually), which can yield potentially amazing results. Another great option to consider is the therapist directory for the magazine Psychology Today. While this directory will not be an exhaustive list of all therapists in your area (clinicians have to choose to be listed in the directory), they do have a significant number of therapists listed, especially if you live in a larger city. The other great feature that the Psychology Today database offers is that it lets you sort and filter the list with a number of different options (treatment specialties, accepted insurances, types of therapy, and a number of other options) that all help you to find the therapist that fits your needs.

What next?

Once you've found a few potential therapists that you think are a good match for your needs, I always recommend trying to do a brief intake call with as many of the prospective therapists as you can. Most therapists worth their salt that I have interacted with throughout my career are more than willing to have a brief 10-15 minute conversation, primarily to help not only yourself, but the therapist as well attempt to determine if y'all are a potential good fit for one another. I have had plenty of times where I have done these calls with a potential new client, and realized that I was not the best fit for their therapeutic needs, so I gave them referrals for therapists I felt would better meet their needs.

After the intake call, I always say to try a new therapist out for a few sessions, and see how things go overall. If it feels like a good match, let it rock and start leaning into the therapeutic work. If it does not feel like it is working out, I recommend communicating with your therapist and let them know your concerns. Let them know what you feel like you would want more/less of in your therapeutic work with them, and see what they have to say. If things continue to not go well in the sessions, then I feel like it is ok to transition and try working with a new therapist.

What to do once you find "the one"?

So you've done the intake call, and after a few sessions with the therapist you feel like you have found someone you can really connect with, then there is only one simple thing left to do. You just have to show up in as authentic a manner as you can, be vulnerable, and do the work. While the answer is simple, I won't sugar coat it when I say that this simple task is also incredibly difficult for most people. That being said, if you are able to fully engage in the therapeutic process and do the difficult work, then the sky is truly the limit for what can happen next for you.

If you have any additional questions about starting therapy, or you want to potentially explore working with me as a therapist, then please feel free to drop a note in the comments, or reach out to me through my website!